This is a place for me to record my thoughts on things as they happen. I aim to write a new entry every weekday. This probably wont happen though.

3/31/2005

Terri Schiavo

I've just read the news that Terri Schiavo has died. I've been following this case on and off for a few years and my heart goes out to everyone who cared about her (this includes her parents, siblings and husband). I hope that they can all find peace now.

Profile and Photo

I've been looking around for a photo to add to my profile, I've finally picked one (see left :o) ) at the moment I'm using a colour one, although I've also done a black and white one to fit in with the site a bit more... I'm not sure which one to use, I think I like the black and white one more for this site, but when I comment on other peoples I want the colour one. I think I'll leave it like this for a while - see if I warm to it. - I'd like to make a note that this was taken while climbing Skiddaw between Christmas and New Year a few years ago, and I had an awful cold. I was wearing a lot of layers that day as you can probably tell (that's my story and I'm sticking to it!) The original picture has my DH on it as well, I may put that up here a bit later. It's a nice one and you can't really see his face.

Gmail

I've got a Gmail account. I think that at the moment the only way to join up is by invitation - and I've got 50 invitations over here. If anyone wants to join up to the wonder that is Gmail leave a comment (with your email address!) and I'll send you one. Alternatively you can email me, my address is quotidianster@...

3/30/2005

The house

We're hoping to move into the house towards the end of April, we don't have any free weekends before then anyway! Or sometime at the beginning of May. Which will be good as by then the lawn will be in desperate need of a cut. There's lots to do to the house. It was owned by an old man who moved there in about 1970, and I don't think it's been re-decorated since! The most important thing to do is the kitchen, as it's pretty much unusable at the moment. We're hoping to add an extension/ conservatory to the back of the house to make the kitchen and dining area a little bigger - we're talking to the builder about cost and planning permission this week. But even though the kitchen's top of the list it's a very long list! every room needs something doing to it. I'm not sure how long I can live with the wallpaper in the hall and our bedroom (I love saying that!). But I want to get started on the garden too. I've never had my own garden. I've already picked out a spot for the vegetable garden and I'm going to have a little greenhouse against the garage for my tomatoes to grow in (they're still doing very well and getting their second set of leaves!). I also want to grow beans, carrots and radishes - although for the first year I'm not hoping to get any actual food out of it. I'm going to try and be completely organic, we're getting a compost bin which will help with that. DH wants to put a wood burning stove into the back room and apparently the ash is very good for soil - so although it's not the best at the moment we should be able to improve it. The garden is very small. It's a fairly large plot but there is a garage running most of the way down it (you'd get three small cars in there with no problems) so it's long and thin. At the moment the back half is a rockery, which I think may be built over a bomb shelter. That's coming out as soon as we move in, although it may be a LOT of work. Sometime in the future we're planning to take the garage down and build a smaller one further forward, which will increase the size of garden, and allow me to have a full sized greenhouse. It feels wonderful to be getting somewhere and making long term plans. I cant wait to get in and start putting down roots. As I'm imagining what we will do to the house and the garden I see a high chair round the table, and a paddling pool in the garden. I desperately want a child, and I can't wait to start trying. Partly because I now know it's not a given. One or both of us may not be able to. If that's the case I'm not sure what we'll do. What's the use of growing tomatoes if there aren't little hands to help pick them?

3/29/2005

Long Easter Weekend!

I love long weekends, but it makes getting up and going to work on the Tuesday really painful - especially since my body hasn't adapted to the new time yet... It always takes me a few days. I got three eggs and a chocolate bunny for Easter - DH (who doesn't like chocolate) got an Easter bunny, and ate half my egg. I think I may be teaching him something after all - although love of chocolate can't be a good thing to teach someone! We had a great break together, visits from friends and family, plenty of good food, beer and wine. We also found lots of time to relax together at home. I need weekends like this more often! Although I'm not looking forward to weighing myself tomorrow... I've done so well so far with 3 pounds lost in three weeks... I have a funny feeling they're all going to be back again! We looked round the house again on Saturday, this time we took my Mum and Dad, they loved it as well - I'd told them it was small and in need of some work (which it is), but I think I made them believe it was close to being condemned, they were so relieved when they saw it that anything would have been good - which is just as I wanted! We're still making plans for the house, hopefully DH will go round with a builder this week to get some quotes and we're going to start chasing the solicitor for a completion date. We're eager to be in and started! I'm aching to have a garden, my tomato plants are doing really well on the windowsill, but I've got to get them outside at some point! We met up with one of DH's friends over the weekend, she's been living in Scotland for a while now and broke up with her fiancé last year. She's started dating a man a lot older than her - I'm not too sure how old he is as it seemed rude to ask but she's 26 and I'd guess he's 45ish. So there's about a 20 year gap in their ages. I'm no stranger to a large age difference myself with DH being 12 years older than me. My parents didn't have a problem (or if they did they never let me know!) but hers are not happy at all, he's not welcome there and she's tolerated at the moment. They had to stay in a hotel while they were here. I can accept that it's probably not what they had in mind for her but she's always gone for older men - when she was 19 she married someone in his mid-thirties. That didn't last too long and she was divorced by 21 I admit, but to not even meet her current partner seems a little extreme. I don't know how I'd cope if that had been my parents, I'm sure they would agree to actually meet him no matter what. I hope they'd form an opinion on how he acted towards me. But who knows. Maybe if my DH had been a few years older I wouldn't be talking to my parents now!

3/24/2005

First Lesson

The tips of my fingers on my left hand are hurting today. It's very specific and something I'd not really thought about before - how can the tips of your fingers hurt! Most of my typing has to be done with my right hand, although as the day's wore on it's getting better. They were really hurting last night and had angry red lines across them. It's odd, but I think I'm going to keep up with my guitar lessons. I can already do the C scale - very slowly and deliberately, with a lot of looking from left to right hand. I don't think I'll ever be fantastic, or even play a tune! But it's fun. DH's guitar moved in with us after he sold his house, it's laid unattended on the chair for weeks now and I decided it was time to put it to good use. So I asked him to teach me. It's fun and it gives us more time chatting and having fun together. I just wish there was something I could teach him in return - other than cooking rice that is. I think in our whole relationship that's the only think I've taught him. If I had any readers I'd ask what, if anything, have you taught your partner and been taught by them?

3/23/2005

UK Elections, and in other news...

Surprisingly there's not too much about the Election in the newspapers today. Which can only be a good thing! I found once article that implied that Labour want to keep religion out of the campaigning (unlike in the American Elections). I think this is a very good stance, and can't wait to see if they keep to it. We still don't have a date for the election, It's looking likely that it'll be 5th of May. We should find out after Easter. In other news.... not much is happening in my life! I'm looking forward to the long Easter weekend, we've not got much planned which is nice sometimes. Hopefully we'll see Mum and Dad at some point and maybe have another look round the house we're buying. We want to take some measurements... lots of planning going on! Our buyer is looking round the flat today to measure up, he's going back to sea for a month on the 24th so we're hoping to get a completion date agreed soon. I'm so desperate to get moved in! DH isn't as excited, I'm most definitely the one who wants to move, but he is already planning our house warming party. We went out for a few drinks last night for the first time in ages, all we could talk about was the house, and the party of course!

3/21/2005

Family

I wasn't sure what to write about today, or even if I wanted to write about anything. I had a good weekend, we say most of my family on Saturday which was really nice. We don't all get together very often, now my cousins have children we should do. I love seeing them - although the youngest is 8 months which makes me very broody! I helped to feed him and watched a nappy change, I think DH was getting worried! The eldest of my cousin's kids is 7, eight this year. She's wonderful, I love her so much. We used to think she was Autistic but now it's looking more likely to be ADHD. It's a shame as she's a wonderful little girl - so full of life. I hope whatever it is gets diagnosed soon so they can change her diet or do whatever they can do to help her. I know she gets bullied at school and I think the teachers tend to think whatever happens is her fault. I worry about what will happen to her in the future, I'm don't know much about adults with ADHD although I think Nita's husband Bear has it and he seems to be getting on very well! We're not really a close family, we live quite a long way from them all really. We do usually try to get together at least twice a year. We see Mum's sister more often as they're quite close. One of my cousins is getting married this year which means we'll all be together again for that. In the last three years one of us has got married every year, all in July - very strange! I'm an only child and so is Dad so that side of the family is very small. I'd like to have two children so they have someone to play with. DH's siblings are all a lot older than him, he was an accident. His oldest sister is in her 50's now and her children are a similar ago to him. They're not a very close family at all. He sees his mum most weeks but we never socialise with her. He has four siblings and only two of them were invited to the wedding - and only one of them went! So if we don't have a fairly large family they'll have no family at all when they're my age.

UK Election

There's an election brewing in the UK. I'm not entirely sure if they've called the day yet but everyone seems to think it will be in May. The three main parties have started campaigning, not quite in earnest yet but they all have firm opinions on everything, and have started mentioning new policies to get into the news. This year I'm not sure who to vote for. I've never paid that much attention to politics if I'm honest - they all seem to be the same. However I've decided to try and keep track of the different stances each party takes on issues as they come up. Issue 1 Last week the key issue was Abortion. The Tory leader started this one off by saying the legal limit should be reduced from 24 weeks to 20 weeks. He was backed by the top Catholic in England who made several comments about Labour no longer being the right choice for Catholics. So the break down of views seemed to be: Labour This shouldn't be an election issue, I see no reason to change the law although debate is always welcome (I'm not going to win this one... Sit on the fence) Tory Change limit from 24 - 20 weeks. (oooh look lot's more Catholic voters) Lib Dem I previously voted to lower limit to 22 weeks... however it's near an election now so I'm going to keep quiet on my views sorry no I mean "due to medical advances" I'm not sure. (hedge bet's by mentioning a lower limit, but keep true feelings hidden) supporting article 1 supporting article 2 Issue 2 This morning's key issue seems to be travellers. There is a current trend for them to buy agricultural land and build on it without planning permission. Labour There's nothing wrong with the Human Rights Act.They're tapping into existing bigotry and prejudice to score points. (They don't seem to have an opinion on this one to be honest - maybe by tonight they'll have a defence planned!) Tory They have unveiled plans to make "Trespass by travellers a criminal offence". Oh and don't worry they're all Irish so it's not even our own people! (This ought to get a few votes from the village folk - lets pick on the poor people. Half of them won't be registered to vote anyway) Lib Dem It's clearly a very xenophobic point of view, they're against Europe (Human Rights Act) and the Irish. supporting article

3/18/2005

A little about blogs

I seem to be keeping up with the rigours of blog writing, a post a day so far! I've even managed to link to some of my favourite blogs down the side, this is more of a help to me than anyone else though - it means I can always get to them even if I'm logging in through another computer! I love reading blogs, the ones I've linked to especially but sometimes I click peoples names in comment sections just to view new ones. I love the fact that people who would normally never think about each other, or even each other's country, can get an insight into each other. Most of the blogs I read are American, but Meg (who I've not linked to yet) is English (like me) and Tertia is South African. I'd love to find blogs from people in other parts of the world. I also like the feeling that no matter what is going on in your life there are people going through the same thing I see a lot of people on the net getting comfort from that - in particular the infertility blogs I read. I'm not sure when I started reading them, or how I got to them. I think Julie was the first infertility blog I started reading, I'm not sure who linked to her to get me there... Then she linked to Cecily, Tertia and Grrl, whose blogs I read avidly. Cecily in turn linked to Sarah, who I read every day, and then Pete and Charlie who I don't seem to read as often. I think the infertility blogs are particularly compelling as they touch on a lot of political points, and everyone desperately wants them to succeed. There's so much good will on their blogs that it completely restores your faith in human nature. Women (and men) who will never meet the author genuinely think of and pray for them - every step of the way. I find the hardest thing to deal with is the fact that these are not stories... It's not fiction. I read a lot of books and I tend to assume everything will have a wonderful outcome. I think of it as my "Happy Ever After" syndrome. I felt this after I got married, it was a sort of "and now what?" I'm not sure what I was expecting but it felt like that was it... I'd married the perfect man and now the book was supposed to end. It took me a while to realise that a new one has started and it gets a whole lot more interesting! I blame Disney, the fade out at the end of the movie when Cinderella marries her Prince Charming. When Cecily lost her boys it was, obviously, terrible. It's not supposed to happen, if you struggle and fight to achieve something it's supposed to just happen. You're not supposed to lose everything in the most painful way imaginable. I felt so hard for her, I still do. It's the same with Julie who's having a terrible time with Charlie who she and Paul fought so hard and gave up so much to have, and with Tertia, the twins seem to be giving her no end of trouble. I guess what I'm trying to say, in a very round about way... Is that reading the blogs of these amazing women has made me realise how very lucky I am. They've also made me grow up and stop seeing the world in such a simple and childish way. I don't think there's a way to thank them. But I wish there was.

3/17/2005

Motherhood

I read Tertia's blog yesterday and she asked a very complicated question. You can see it here: http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2005/03/why_do_you_did_ Why does anyone WANT to be a mother, It's something I've been thinking a lot about recently. I'm getting more and more broody, last year DH and I decided that we'd start trying for a baby at the end of this year. Our situation has changed a little, I'm the main breadwinner and we're buying a house that needs a lot doing to it. So we're talking about putting it back till next year. I'm worried as a part of me is relieved by that decision. I don't feel ready to have a child. But I want to have one before DH reaches 40, so he's young enough to enjoy the kid - and help me with it. If I was with someone the same age as me we wouldn't be talking about children just yet. I'd probably want to start trying sometime before I was 30. The thought of being pregnant is really exciting, and the thought of a toddler, 2 - 4 is fantastic. My friends son is great and I love being around him. But children older than that and younger than that... the thought of being responsible for one fills me with dread. How do you cope with babies!? How do you guess what they need, and what if all it does is cry. I know I'm not strong enough to go through what Julie is going through at the moment. I also find it quite hard to talk to children, I've never been a maternal sort... And I worry that if DH isn't that interested I'll have to do this more or less on my own. It's a very scary thought. But I do want children, I can't imagine not having them. I want to share things with them and show them new and exciting places. Teach them to love nature and animals and the world as much as I do. That's the exciting part, and that's why I'm sure that we'll be able to cope. If and when we get pregnant.

3/16/2005

A little about me

I guess I ought to introduce myself, right here at the start. I'm not going to put my name on this thing just yet - we'll see how things go first. I'm a woman and I live in the UK, narrows it down right?! I'm 25 years old - 26 in July this year. Turning 25 was a bit of a shock to me (well not that much - I'm not too bad at maths) as I realised I was nearer 30 than 20, and as one of my friends pointed out nearer 50 than 0. Thanks for that. I got married last year the week after my birthday, it was a wonderful wedding and I loved every minute of it. I'm more in love with my DH than ever, feeling sick yet? We argue, but not too much. Life with him is pretty good. We'll have been together for three years this May, we got engaged after six months - remind me to tell that story later.

My DH is 12 years older than me which hasn't been a big problem yet, it does worry me slightly though. He's never been married, or engaged. Although he has a VERY long history. Which bothers me a lot although I don't tell him about it! It's a running joke among our friends which really bugs me. I'm hoping they'll stop going on about it when we've been married a while. Hey a girl can hope! I'm desperate to have a baby, he's not so keen and has said that we can (sometime) but he doesn't want children. This also makes me worry, a lot. Is it right to have a baby if the man you're with doesn't want them? He keeps saying he's willing to have kids because he knows how much I want them. I don't think that's reason enough... but I love him and want to be with him, and I want children. It's very confusing!

We're hopefully moving soon, at the moment we're living in a one bedroom flat in the heart of the city. Which we both love. It's going to be a wrench to leave it but we desperately need more room. We're buying a three bedroom house in the suburbs with a long garden, it's next door to one of our friends. I can't wait to move but I'm not going to be convinced we're going until we're in. Last year we tried to buy our dream property and we lost it. I've been a bit disillusioned since then. Hopefully we'll be moving sometime in the next few months (if all goes well!). I work as a web developer, I have done since I left uni at two different firms. I love my job although I suspect I spend too long on the internet when I should be working. I don't smoke though, so I look at it as my addiction - if people are allowed to disappear for five mins every hour to smoke then I should be allowed to look at a few blogs through the day. At the moment I'm supporting both of us. My DH lost his job in March last year, he's been trying to be self employed since then. He's doing ok but I worry about the future... again I want kids, and I want to be a stay at home mum. At the moment we definitely can't afford for that to happen. Sooner or later he's going to have to start making money, to support his family. Another reason for him to resent me. I seem to mostly have written about how worried I am about the future and what a waste of space my husband is. Both these things are completely untrue... DH would do anything for me. Absolutely anything, I know that he loves me and he lets me know it in many different ways every day. Because of that I know whatever the future brings we'll be ok.

3/15/2005

The start of something new

So I figured I'd give it a go. How hard can it be after all. I'm a terrible writer and nothing interesting happens in my life... which is why I chose the name :) I'll try to update regularly, I'll try to be as honest as I can... but hey, this might be my only post. But it just might be the start of something wonderful.